Loving God Passionately, Loving Others Selflessly
Ok Guys, its no suprise that as the holidays approach our schedules will get a little “wonky”. As most of you hopefully hear, there will be no Revolve tonight. I will be there next week for any who are not attending the event at CCC. I will be gone the following 2 Saturdays, but Matthew will be leading again. We are planning on having Revolve thru December 17th. We will take a 2 week break for Christmas and New Years and then kick off the new year together a week late on January 6th.
I’m talking a lot lately about the enormous wave of disconnectedness that is sweeping our culture — particularly among our teens. The reason I’m so focused on this topic is that this sense of not being connected is having a dramatic impact on young people. In their search for meaningful connection their behaviors are leaving their parents scratching their heads and asking, “Where did that come from?”
You’re probably saying, “But Mark, my teen is connecting with their friends all the time, all day long; tweeting, texting, posting . . . the stream of words is nearly constant!” However, the increasingly impersonal nature of these means of communication is actually hindering real connection rather than promoting it. Today’s teens are not only becoming less connected with meaningful relationships with their peers, but increasingly less connected with their parents, family and church as well.
You can’t “fix” the culture in which your teen lives, and you can’t force them to start connecting, but you can take steps to assure that they have at least one meaningful connection — with you. This is not something you can hand off to a teacher, pastor or youth worker; you need to be actively involved in connecting with your teen. I urge you to take the initiative rather than waiting for them to come to you.
What I’ve found is that parents tend to overestimate their child’s ability to deal with the pressures they are facing and underestimate the influence of the culture on their child. Your child is swimming in dangerous waters whether you recognize it or not. They are going to need your help to handle the turbulence in their life in a way that doesn’t come across as being patronizing or judgmental.
Remember this, if they’re drowning or the sharks are swirling around, they don’t need a lecture. They don’t need to hear about other swimmers who are doing better. They don’t need to be corrected on their swimming technique (or their swimwear either) — they need help! Throw them a life preserver, or jump in and help them make it back to shore. I’m not saying there aren’t things that need correcting; I’m simply pointing out that as a matter of priority, making sure you have a strong connection with your teen is critical. It really can be a matter of life and death. That uninterrupted hour you spend together each week (as a minimum) can be that life preserver.
Assess your child’s relationships. Look at the other kids your child is spending time with. Do they connect? Does your child have the kind of friends who would push them under or lift them up if they started to struggle? You can’t pick and choose friends for your teen; parents have been trying to do that as long as there have been teenagers, and the next time it works will be the first. But you can encourage them toward positive and helpful relationships, and you can ensure that they are in places where there is a good chance of them finding a meaningful and helpful friend (church, mission outreaches, volunteering, and civic clubs or other activities that tend to attract good kids).
Finding a friend at church is no guarantee that they will be a positive influence, so take care not to assume that. I can’t tell you how many of our Heartlight kids said they began this or that bad behavior because a friend from church or their Christian school dared them to. Take care to look for a church and youth group where your teen feels comfortable, where there is solid leadership, and where strong values are taught. I know that many families struggle with the issue of church choices during the teen years. For our kids, we told them to choose what church they would like to attend, as long as it was a good Bible-believing and teaching church. We dropped them off there, and Jan and I went to the church we liked. There’s nothing wrong with that. They would have been bored silly and not had any good friends attending the church we liked to attend. We would have not enjoyed the church they liked and not had any friends there. So, we did what was best for each of us. It made for great after-church conversations, since we could each talk about our own experiences and what we learned that day.
Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to share your struggles with your teen. Your struggles can have a powerful impact on them, encouraging them to turn to God and friends for help in the difficult times. They need to know that it’s okay to struggle. They need to know where to go in times of struggle. They need to know that God answers those who call on Him for help, and that the church and good friends will be there for them. There’s no better way for them to learn that than to see, not just hear, it in your life.
Spend more time together. What you do with your teen doesn’t really matter. What’s important is that you spend time together. Find something that interests and appeals to them. Most of the girls at Heartlight would rather sit and talk. Most of the guys would rather be out doing something active while they talk. But there are exceptions. My point is that you need to find an environment where your teen will be able to have fun and enjoy their time with you. This both builds a deeper relationship and creates an atmosphere where they can open up about what is bothering them.
You need to know enough about their world to be able to answer the questions they ask and speak truth into their lives. So many times I hear the words, “I never thought it would happen to my child.” Don’t let that happen to you. Be involved and know what’s going on. We know that all teens are going to have troubles as they go through adolescence; what I’m suggesting is that you be aware enough to see the dangers coming before they become life-threatening.
Want a change? More than anything else, teens change because of relationships — with you, with leaders they look up to, and with good friends. Likewise, they can be dragged down by relationships with bad influences. They crave for relationships wherever they can find them, so be sure not to leave a void. If you work to keep the lines of communication open and your relationship strong, you are giving your teen an incredibly valuable preparation and example to live by, not just for their teen years but for life. Work at keeping your relationship alive, and your teen plugged in to your family and church. If you do, they (and you) will be spared the negative consequences brought on by a disconnected culture.
We’re talking about this issue on our radio program this weekend titled “Disconnected Teens.” Listen in on your local station, or to listen online, look for the program dated September 17, 2011 at http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org after the morning of the broadcast.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, a therapeutic boarding schoollocated in East Texas. Call 903-668-2173 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 903-668-2173 end_of_the_skype_highlighting. Visit http://www.heartlightministries.org, or to read other articles by Mark, visit http://www.markgregston.com.
Eleven tongue-in-cheek ways to ensure that your teenager
will not be prepared for the future.
by Tricia Goyer
1. Hide your past mistakes. Put on an act that you are perfect and your teenagers are the ones with all the problems. (After all, if your teens hear what you did in your past, they might want to follow.)
2. Don’t worry about where they are going and what they are doing. You didn’t want to be hounded at that age. You didn’t want to be asked all those questions. Instead, trust that they know how they should act and where they should go.
3. Don’t worry about them getting a summer job and having to work to make money. Teens are only teens once. They need time to have fun with friends and relax. There will be time to work later. They don’t need to worry about a work ethic now.
4. Don’t force them to attend church and youth group. Things are already touchy—you have to hound them about homework, about their friends, and about their clothes—don’t make church another thing you hound them about.
5. Don’t worry about talking to them about sex and purity. You’re their parent, for goodness sake. You don’t want to bring the subject up and have them thinking about you having sex. And you don’t want to think about them in their sexual lives. There are other people more knowledgeable and trained to talk to your teens; leave it to them.
6. Shelter your teens from the outside world. Kick the television out of the house. Make sure they don’t watch any secular movies or listen to secular music. Hide the newspapers, too. Their “world” should only be about your family, God, and your service to Him. They don’t need to learn about all that bad stuff out there. They don’t need to learn to deal with it or to make wise media choices.
7. Tell them, “Do what I say, not what I do.” Make them accept the areas where you fall short, but expect them to do better.
8. Buy your teens whatever they ask for. That’s your role as a parent—to make your teens happy.
9. Don’t let your teen get involved in an overseas mission trip. There are all types of scary things that happen on those trips, and your first priority is to keep your teen safe.
10. Don’t become your teens’ sounding board. They’ll need to learn to figure things out on their own in the future, so they might as well start now.
11. Don’t share with your teen how important God is in your life. A personal relationship with God is personal, and it should stay that way.
Copyright © 2011 Tricia Goyer. All rights reserved. This article originally appeared on MomLife Today, FamilyLife’s blog for moms.
This week we are finishing up our last part of The Gospel Journey from Dare2Share Ministries. We will also be having an end of year party. We will still meet from 7-9 as usual. We will be providing pizza and soda and more importantly the fun 
Again this will be for August 6th. Hope to see you all there.
Don’t forget this is our last week for our challenge this year. Chris will give $50 to any youth who can recite mark chapter 1 from memory. Also just a reminder after this week we will be taking a two week break before kicking off this year of Saturday Night Revolve!
by Mark Gregston
It wasn’t that long ago that we were teenagers. While some things have changed, most haven’t. So we can be a great voice of wisdom to teens as they work through adolescence.
As parents, we have already lived through the difficult transition of adolescence. We’ve faced the struggles, the pains and the joys of adolescence—and lived to tell the tale.
Our experience can be an incredible resource for our children. If we maintain a strong relationship with them we can tell them what we went through and how we felt. It can be a great comfort to a teen who feels like they are the only one to have ever experienced the troubles they are enduring.
©2011 Mark Gregston www.parentingtodaysteens.org
Saturdays (7:00 - 9:00 pm)
We're meeting at:
Maranatha Community Church
1430 E. Cooley Drive, #116
Colton, CA 92324
(909) 825-2933
Revolve@ColtonChurch.com